The feeling of knowing that your time is slowly running out and there is nothing you can do to stop it, that is one of the most painful feelings one could ever feel especially as a Mother. To know that in only a short few days that your little one will no longer be safe inside of you. To know that your little one may come and leave you all in the same moment in time. And most of all knowing that no matter what happens you are not in control. No matter how much of that natural protection instinct as mothers we have, we know that when the time is up, it is up and there is nothing that we can do to protect our babies. The feeling of total helplessness consumes all of your reflexes and all you can do is just wait, and hope and pray. And hope that one this day your prayers will be answered! Knowing that you may only have a few short days left with your child.
What happens when the time is up? I tell you what happens, your heart breaks into a million pieces, your soul is saddened and you can't feel your own heartbeat anymore, when you time ends with a child that you will forever miss, there is more pain than anyone could ever imagine. What do you do when you can't feel your own heartbeat anymore and you have to question reality to see if this has really happened or if your still alive. What do you do?? What would you do if your time was running out, you know the date and there is nothing you can do to stop it? What would you do?
As I read Stacy's blog this evening these things stuck out in my head......
"When I went to bed on Tuesday night, I realized it was my last Tuesday with Isaac in my tummy... maybe my last Tuesday with him at all. And again, I just cried (and cried... and cried). I started to pray and I the only words I found that would come out (not audibly, but in my head) were, Lord I need you. Please protect us. I just didn't know what else to say. And so I said that over and over."
"Yesterday I was asked what I am looking forward to about Tuesday. At first it seemed like an odd question because there is so much anticipation of sadness surrounding that day. But in reality, there are some things I am looking forward to."
".......And I am looking forward to to just kissing his little face over and over again... enough to last a lifetime."
And I cried, because I remember the pain of knowing that any of the days that I had with Nadia could have been my last. Eventually my last day came and went, and I remember studying her little face enough so that I could sear it in to my mind so that I would never forget what she looked like. Observing ever detail so I would be able to see her when I closed my eyes from here until eternity, every crinkle and crease, the shape of her lips and her tiny fingers and toes are forever stamped into my mind so that when everyone else forgets.... I WONT! To stare at your child and kiss your child enough in just a few moments, to last a lifetime! How does one do that?? How does a mother kiss and just look at her baby enough in one moment to satisfy the craving for an entire lifetime? Better yet, how does a mother condense all the love she has to give over an entire lifetime in one moment?? What would you do if you knew that in one moment you had to kiss your little one enough to last your lifetime, and you get no second chances? How much is enough?
I tell you when I am old and Jayden and Averiana are grown I will still remember ever crinkle and crease in Nadia's face, I will still remember the shape of her lips, I will still remember her tiny fingers and toes, and most of all I will still remember the day that my time ran out! The day that my Angel was no longer safe inside of me, the day that I could no longer protect her from her God given destiny. And I will still feel the love that I have carried for her in my soul for a lifetime. I will remember then just as I do now!
An Angel Never Dies.
Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold, It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me, God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow, Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do, Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you, That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you, When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips And then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air, Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was, An Angel never dies.
Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold, It doesn’t mean I’m gone
This world was worthy, not of me, God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, What you are forced to face
You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow, Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do, Another child you’ll bear
Believe me when I say to you, That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you, When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips And then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air, Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn’t mean I never was, An Angel never dies.
Please I ask all of you to pray for Isaac! Pray that Stacy doesn't have to kiss him only for those moments that should last her lifetime. Please pray that Isaac lives!
1 comments:
I will keep her in my prayers. I know that no mother should ever have to face this. I watched how hard it i was for you and how heartbreaking it was for those of us who shared in Nadia's all to short life. I will pray that her baby will be with her for as long as she lives.
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